SPIES that love me

I found out that before my daughters were stolen. my X had sent a mini recorder home with the girls.  

Posted on March 31, 2009 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methodsBrainwashing Tool #2: Using the child as a spy

Using the child as a spy

Parents who are indoctrinating their children to spite the ex will also enlist the child to become a surrogate spy. This can range from simple information about the ex’s new girlfriend, all the details of every breakfast and dinner (“what did you eat? What restaurant did he take you to?”) to doing complete hard drive searches looking for bank info, emails, or incrimining web sites.

Vindictive ex’s would love to be able to rummage through your home to get interesting details on your life, including any and all “dirt.” They’re still very angry from the divorce or separation. But since they can’t break into your house without risking jail time, they recruit your child to act as a spy on their behalf.

This is very damaging to the child, for a number of reasons. First, it makes the child believe that the parent and their house can’t be a normal environment. There must be something wrong with it if one parent needs all the details of what’s happening there. Second, it teaches that it’s OK to be sneaky and spy on somebody. Remember, kids model their parents’ behaviors. So a continuance brain bath in spying around a parent’s house for information to share with the other parent is very damaging to the child long term.

Finally, by aligning the child in this manner, the vindictive ex slowly tears down the bond that exists between the other parent and the child. This intentional act of abuse on the child is terrible– it creates conflict and discomfort in a relationship where little to none even existed!

Parents that do this are terrible parents. Period.

When you catch your child reporting everything back to the other parent (I discovered mine through child therapist progress notes), it’s time to let the child know that you understand they want to “help Mom/Dad, but reporting back everything you do in such detail isn’t fun for them, it upsets the other parent, and it makes you work too hard, having to carry around a mental note pad every day.” Or words to that effect.

Don’t embarrass or punish the child, or the behavior will continue and get even worse. Point it out without pointing a hard finger, explain why it’s not a fun or positive thing to do, and then drop it

Evidence

Evidence from afar that your child is being brainwashed against you

Posted on May 8, 2011 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methods

When you’re the noncustodial parent, days and weeks go by without you being around your child or children. During this time the custodial parent– your ex– who’s hell-bent on sabotaging your relationship with your child has ample opportunity to do so.

There are some strong signs that appear in most brainwashing households. You can’t be there in person to observe all the things said, the lies told, or the subtle put-downs, so you will have to look elsewhere– to the telephone, cellphone, text messages, and emails.

The openness and normalcy of the electronic communications with your child is in most cases directly related to the level of mental abuse taking place in the other house. Evidence that your child is being coached and lied to include:

• Your child is flat, monotoned, or sad when he or she gets your phone call
• Your ex is often heard speaking to your child in the background (and your child will frequently cover up the phone with his or  her hand)
• Your phone calls or texts are not returned
• Cellphones you buy for your kid are rarely used to call you, but used routinely by your ex to contact your child when he or she is with you
• No calls on your birthday or Father’s/Mother’s Day, and rarely or never a card or e-card
• Your child asks you questions inappropriate for their age
• Your child is used as a messenger by your ex
• Your child complains about his or her last visit (usually of trivial things)
• You rarely get a call, email, or text out of the blue from your child
• Your child claims out of the blue that “I don’t want to see you”
• Your child seems unable to echo any “I love you’s”
• Your child echoes the words of your ex (words a child of that age would never use)
• Your child refers to you by your first name, either to you directly or at home while away from you
• Your ex refers to you when speaking to your child in the background by your first name
• Your child will say “Why haven’t you called me” when in fact you’ve tried
• You rarely get an acknowledgement of any cards of presents sent

How to fight this? The short answer is to call your child on a regular basis (once a week, twice a week, etc), and stick to it. Also send texts and emails, even super short ones, when you think of your child. If you’ve been unable to get through to speak to him or her, make sure you let them know that you’re excited to finally reach them. If you’ve left a voicemail, ask them “So did you get my voicemail?” That way, if they didn’t (as is likely), they’ll realize that you did reach out to connect with them. Older kids will even figure out on their own that a parent is withholding messages from them.

The big picture, of course, is to get the child into counseling. Even call Child Protective Services if your child’s emotionally wrecked. Make sure you document everything– to include tape recording phone calls (if legal in your state), logging all the times you’ve tried to reach your child, etc.

If your child custody decree doesn’t mention anything about telephonic or electronic access, then consider hiring an attorney who can make a “motion to modify” the decree. Some decrees include specific hours whereby your ex must make your child contactable. That way if your ex doesn’t comply, he or she could face the wrath of a judge.

It’s a very difficult thing to have to suffer through month after month after month, with the only let-off being when  you have possession of your child. But hang in there. Keep a steady flow of calls, emails, and texts to your brainwashed child. One day your child will see the “unhappy” parent for who she is, and your consistent actions at reaching out will be rewarded in 95% of cases.

Top actions of an alienating parent

Top actions of an alienating parent

Posted on March 12, 2013 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methods

• Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones)
• Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
• Limits child’s cellphone and computer usage, so you’ll rarely get a call, text, or email
• Refers to you by your first name in their home (Dad becomes “David;” Mom becomes “Julie”)
• Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives
• Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding even civil conversations with you
• Pops anti-depressant pills (as many have a history of depression)
• Able to hold resentment towards young, innocent children (ie, your children from another marriage)
• Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school
• Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t feel comfortable about the duration of our summer visitation, Dad”
• Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being
• Labels themselves the “good” parent; labels you the “bad” parent
• Tells the child false stories about their childhood
• Tells the child in vivid detail how he or she was victimized by you (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
• Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
• Diminishes your extended family’s worth
• Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates
• Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree
• Uses child’s cellphone as a leash
• Rarely if ever a call to you on Father’s Day or Mother’s Day on behalf of child
• Never gets the child excited about seeing you
• Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them
• Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
• Attempts via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
• Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
• Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone (if you let them)
• Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, etc– as more important than their time with you
• Teaches the children from their current marriage to despise you
• Informs children of alienator’s plans for them past 18 (you’ll go to college at X, and will stay here with me)
• Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a threat)
• Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
• Has outbursts around the child (extremely dramatic ones)
• Lacks a filter, spilling any adult topic into the child’s head

Brainwashing

High Level Brainwashers

Posted on July 18, 2013 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methods

There are degradations of parental alienation. The most severe type is perpetrated by High Level Brainwashers (HLBs).

These parents are ruthless in their efforts to eliminate their ex from the child’s life. They spend decades spinning tales of woe of what the ex did, labeling the ex every derogatory name imaginable, and doing everything possible to deny an ex physical access to “their” child.

Below is a list of the dominant characteristics and behaviors of HLBs:

• They dwell on the sins of the past. They simply cannot forgive any past grievances and ‘move on.’ They are permanently stuck in the past
• They are revenge-minded. They will commonly say things like, “I don’t get mad, I get even,” or “You’ll pay for this.” They have anger and aggression issues
• They are deeply unhappy people. Happy people don’t dwell on negatives, and allow past wrongs to weigh them down
• They have one or more psychological disorders. Bipolar, Munchausen by Proxy, or other mood/anxiety disorders
• They are frequently on medications like antidepressants to stabilize their negative moods
• They were abused or neglected as as children. The roots of an HLB’s bulldozing ways goes back to a dysfunctional childhood
• They are extremely selfish people. They are bad listeners, first and foremost. They are capable of completely disregarding the welfare of the child if it suits their own needs
• They view child as a possession. Ownership of and control of the child. They will micromanage the child’s life in the extreme
• They abuse the child on other levels. HLBs frequently physically and/or sexually abuse children as well. In short, they have no boundaries.

There is one final trait of the truly worst HLBs, and that’s the narcissistic parent. I didn’t include it in the list because only a sliver of the high level brainwashers are narcissistic. And these parents are the absolute worst abusers, and are true evil-doers at their core. They all lack a conscience. Read this article on the narcissistic parent.

HLBs are professionals at wrecking parent-child relationships. They are masters at turning their perceived victimhood into manipulative lies intent on destroying their own child’s love for the other parent. This mental child abuse that causes lasting scars, even when the child does one day realize the fraud and lies perpetrated onto them.

Sociopath (a guest post)

so·ci·o·path

  [soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-] 

noun Psychiatry.

a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial,often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Antisocial personality disorder is a type of chronic mental condition in which a person's ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are dysfunctional — and destructive. People with antisocial personality disorder typically have no regard for right and wrong and often disregard the rights, wishes and feelings of others.

Those with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others either harshly or with callous indifference. They may often violate the law, landing in frequent trouble, yet they show no guilt or remorse. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. These characteristics typically make people with antisocial personality disorder unable to fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school

I wonder who reads my blog

Just curious
I wonder who reads my blog.
I look at the stats graph
and think who on Earth
is reading this lame blog.
Anyway
If you are
and you need to find out more
about Maternal
Alienation,,
Hostile Aggressive parenting
I have a lot of resources.
Or if you just like a funny story
we can share ours.
I can still laugh even though
my life has been destroyed.

BTW my
X reads my blog.

Just say NO.
--------- say no to:
Men that control you by saying it is because they love you
Rude teens
Ex husbands that are still in love with you
That next serving of pasta
Going on Facebook instead of a 3 mile walk
Letting people hurt you
Losing control of your life
Letting sorrow ruin the rest of your life
Believing the lies