Duh! The answer has always been right in front of me.

As I fret and worry over things I cannot change... I get angry....
Why Why Why?
Now as my body is attacking itself with a bad reaction to Effexor  XR ( that I have been on for 2 years)  ... I  realize I have let negative things enter my body and life.
As I scramble on quick fixes and angry rantings I forgot that God has it covered.
Duh.... Cate of course your life has gone haywire.... You thought you could do it all yourself with no help.
~ I do believe there is evil in this world... it is an imperfect world.  
I have let evil take over me and neglected the One who loves me and has forgiven me and all my sins.
Let's hope I remember this 5 minutes from now when I once again think I can do it all on my own


I thank you Jesus for your love for me,
a sinner who does not deserve one bit of it

Lost

Just stop

I feel a huge urge to jump off this crazy train that I call my life.
I have lost 'me'....  remember back in the 70's everyone was busy finding themselves.  I have found myself and I don't like me at all.  
I am lazy, exhausted, confused, miserable, unloved, mean, selfish, fat, old, ugly....and that's just this morning.

this is what I am searching for.
I know I won't find it.  I have to create it in myself.
blah blah blah.... all that psychobabble talk show crap
 At least my house is clean ish....   since we moved.
My kids still disrespect me
--- so nothing has changed.
I disrespect myself
so how can I blame them???

this is what I thought life would be like
but it certainly is not
more like this 

To:  Meddling terrorist with nothing better to do
than destroy the mother of his children:  ..
I thank you.  You make me stronger everyday
..
All I can do is keep on loving my kids.
Try to love myself
make time for me a little bit.   --like exercise!
Squeeze out some time for my boyfriend.
ah,
enough with the pep talk
I just want to run away.
and hide.
Gonna go lock myself in the bathroom for a few.