Dinner with Family

Thanksgiving is fast approaching.


If you are blessed with family/friends you will be
joining them for a huge meal.

You will catch up on   each others lives
and brag about your own (maybe)

and... If you are in my family a subtle food fight may be
possible

this usually only happens at my house.
My adult daughters are the culprits .

------------------------------------------------
So tonight, the Monday before Thanksgiving,
I heard on the news

that a great topic to bring up
 for discussion during dinner on Turkey day
would be Obamacare.  No this was not
a joke news cast.  
This got me thinking of other horrible topics
for dinner conversations.
-wills
- medical procedures
-IBS symptoms
- Gramma's sex life
-Parenting advice
-your STD test results
-Debating whether or not there is a Santa
-What to do with Grampa's porn stash
-Who is taking in Mom when she gets old
------------------------------------------
I am sure you can think of many more
I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving
I have so much to be thankful for♥
and talking about Obamacare is not one
of them !!!!!
-
-

Diet-- yes it is a four letter word and one of the worst.

The weight had really crept up... Like 10 pounds more than I was 9 months pregnant.  Ya, a lot.
  Okay tried Atkin's again  for like 5 seconds.  Just because I can eat chicken, bacon and eggs 'til I explode doesn't mean it will work.
I admitted to myself that I am an emotional eater.  Yes my life is stressful (whose isn't?)  Try to ask myself
"Are you really hungry or just bored?"  All that psycho babble worked for about a day and a half.
So I have found a constructive solution.
Crocheting.
Yes, there you have it.
I can't snack while I watch TV if I have an afghan on my lap....
chocolate stains you know.

Caught Between Parents

Supporting children through the challenges of divorce

by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

Parental Alienation: Prevention is the key

Parental alienation: Prevention is the key

Published on April 14, 2011 by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D. in Caught Between Parents

8
inShare

Parental alienation is a set of strategies that parents use to undermine and interfere with a child's relationship with his or her other parent. This often but not always happens when parents are engaged in a custody battle over the children.

There is no one definitive set of behaviors that constitute parental alienation but research with both parents and children has revealed a core set of 17 primary parental alienation strategies, including bad-mouthing the other parent, limiting contact with that parent, erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child (forbidding discussion and pictures of the other parent), forcing child to reject the other parent, creating the impression that the other parent is dangerous, forcing the child to choose, and belittling and limiting contact with the extended family of the targeted parent.

Taken together, these 17 parental alienation strategies work to create psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent such that the relationship becomes conflict ridden and eventually non-existent, as the child is empowered to cut that parent off completely. Each of these strategies serve to A) further the child's cohesion and alignment with the alienating parent; B) create psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent; C) intensify the targeted parent'sanger and hurt over the child's behavior; and D) incite conflict between the child and the targeted parent should the targeted parent challenge or react to the child's behavior.

Parents who try to alienate their child from his or her other parent convey a three-part message to the child: (1) I am the only parent who loves you and you need me to feel good about yourself, (2) the other parent is dangerous and unavailable, and (3) pursuing a relationship with that parent jeopardizes your relationship with me.

Children who succumb to the pressure and ally themselves with one parent against the other often exhibit a set of behaviors that have become known as parental alienation syndrome:
(1) The first manifestation is a campaign of denigration against the targeted parent. The child becomes obsessed with hatred of the targeted parent (in the absence of actual abuse or neglect that would explain such negative attitudes).
(2) Weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations for the depreciation of the targeted parent. The objections made in the campaign of denigration are often not of the magnitude that would lead a child to hate a parent, such as slurping soup or serving spicy food.
(3) Lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent. The child expresses no ambivalence about the alienating parent, demonstrating an automatic, reflexive, idealized support of him or her.
(4) The child strongly asserts that the decision to reject the other parent is her own. This is what is known as the "Independent Thinker" phenomenon.
(5) Absence of guilt about the treatment of the targeted parent. Alienated children will make statements such as, "He doesn't deserve to see me."
(6) Reflexive support for the alienating parent in the parental conflict. There is no willingness or attempt to be impartial when faced with inter-parental conflicts.
(7) Use of borrowed scenarios. These children often make accusations towards the targeted parent that utilize phrases and ideas adopted wholesale from the alienating parent. And, finally,
(8) The hatred of the targeted parent spreads to his or her extended family. Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so too are his/her entire family. Formerly beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are suddenly avoided and rejected. When children exhibit these 8 behaviors the most likely explanation is the manipulation of the favored parent.

Related Articles

• Mounting Evidence Supports Reliability and Validity of Parental Alienation
• House Divided: Hate Thy Father
• Oregon House passes bill outlawing purposely false child abuse claims
• Coaching Targeted Parents
• Helping Children Resist the Pressure to Choose One Parent Over the Other

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

Find Local:

• Acupuncturists
• Chiropractors
• Massage Therapists
• Dentists
• and more!

Once children exhibit these behaviors much of the damage is done. Prevention is critical as it is easier to stop children from becoming alienated than it is to undo the alienation once the children have adopted false ideas and feelings about the rejected parent. For this reason, parents who are concerned about the use of alienation strategies on the part of the other parent should become educated as quickly as possible about different options for responding to parental alienation

“Please Don’t Tell Me What I’m Doing Wrong” by Another Mom Suffering Parental Alienation --not my words but so perfectly expressed

“Please Don’t Tell Me What I’m Doing Wrong” by Another Mom Suffering Parental Alienation

(Posted on Facebook by Asha Bas, Who Granted Permission to Share her poem in Hopes That “Others Will Know They Are Not Alone”)

I’m in a living nightmare

Something deeply precious was stolen

I’m in ongoing grief and despair

Unbidden tears awash again and again

Never any idea what to do, or what to say

Everything is used against me, the rules are unfair

Forlorn, how to get out I see no way

But I have to stay strong and I have to beware

It would be easier to give up, to let go

Easier to close down completely

But the future I cannot know

Behind closed doors I do not see

So I fight against the abuse and lies

Ever continue to stand up for what is right

My grief I cannot continuously disguise

Sometimes my words come out with a bite

But my words come out, which can be quite hard

Though I’m afraid, I can move and walk around

I’m not an actor, a social person, or a bard

Sometimes my mouth has opened with no sound

Please don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong

I already know and I berate myself enough as it is

My treasures were stolen and I do not belong

My family torn asunder with a crushing deadly kiss

I cannot concern myself with little people in this game

Who may or may not be playing behind the scenes

Aloof and careful, I must treat everyone as the same

To the abuser, it is clear that the end justifies the means

I do not know who to trust and my choices are few

I have limitted knowledge and little experience

I’m more likely to trust, to see the good in you

I have learnt that I perhaps should not take that chance

If I let my guard down I may lose even more

Years, time, freedom that may never be recalled

The hurtful slander that sticks I abhor

With their increasing power I am appalled

It crushes the spirits and wearies the very soul

The years and lies drag on with no end in sight

With my heart ripped out, I am not whole

So be thankful I can speak, even if i do bite

And remember that a dog bites because it is afraid

Afraid of the unknown, and often of what they have learned

With no choices and no idea, I go where I am bade

Hindsight has taught me, with trust I have been burned

Please don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong

Be impressed, instead, that against the odds I’m still here!

I’m staying in this nightmare and hanging on

Despite the impossible odds and the unending fear!