Diet-- yes it is a four letter word and one of the worst.

The weight had really crept up... Like 10 pounds more than I was 9 months pregnant.  Ya, a lot.
  Okay tried Atkin's again  for like 5 seconds.  Just because I can eat chicken, bacon and eggs 'til I explode doesn't mean it will work.
I admitted to myself that I am an emotional eater.  Yes my life is stressful (whose isn't?)  Try to ask myself
"Are you really hungry or just bored?"  All that psycho babble worked for about a day and a half.
So I have found a constructive solution.
Crocheting.
Yes, there you have it.
I can't snack while I watch TV if I have an afghan on my lap....
chocolate stains you know.

Caught Between Parents

Supporting children through the challenges of divorce

by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

Parental Alienation: Prevention is the key

Parental alienation: Prevention is the key

Published on April 14, 2011 by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D. in Caught Between Parents

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Parental alienation is a set of strategies that parents use to undermine and interfere with a child's relationship with his or her other parent. This often but not always happens when parents are engaged in a custody battle over the children.

There is no one definitive set of behaviors that constitute parental alienation but research with both parents and children has revealed a core set of 17 primary parental alienation strategies, including bad-mouthing the other parent, limiting contact with that parent, erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child (forbidding discussion and pictures of the other parent), forcing child to reject the other parent, creating the impression that the other parent is dangerous, forcing the child to choose, and belittling and limiting contact with the extended family of the targeted parent.

Taken together, these 17 parental alienation strategies work to create psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent such that the relationship becomes conflict ridden and eventually non-existent, as the child is empowered to cut that parent off completely. Each of these strategies serve to A) further the child's cohesion and alignment with the alienating parent; B) create psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent; C) intensify the targeted parent'sanger and hurt over the child's behavior; and D) incite conflict between the child and the targeted parent should the targeted parent challenge or react to the child's behavior.

Parents who try to alienate their child from his or her other parent convey a three-part message to the child: (1) I am the only parent who loves you and you need me to feel good about yourself, (2) the other parent is dangerous and unavailable, and (3) pursuing a relationship with that parent jeopardizes your relationship with me.

Children who succumb to the pressure and ally themselves with one parent against the other often exhibit a set of behaviors that have become known as parental alienation syndrome:
(1) The first manifestation is a campaign of denigration against the targeted parent. The child becomes obsessed with hatred of the targeted parent (in the absence of actual abuse or neglect that would explain such negative attitudes).
(2) Weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations for the depreciation of the targeted parent. The objections made in the campaign of denigration are often not of the magnitude that would lead a child to hate a parent, such as slurping soup or serving spicy food.
(3) Lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent. The child expresses no ambivalence about the alienating parent, demonstrating an automatic, reflexive, idealized support of him or her.
(4) The child strongly asserts that the decision to reject the other parent is her own. This is what is known as the "Independent Thinker" phenomenon.
(5) Absence of guilt about the treatment of the targeted parent. Alienated children will make statements such as, "He doesn't deserve to see me."
(6) Reflexive support for the alienating parent in the parental conflict. There is no willingness or attempt to be impartial when faced with inter-parental conflicts.
(7) Use of borrowed scenarios. These children often make accusations towards the targeted parent that utilize phrases and ideas adopted wholesale from the alienating parent. And, finally,
(8) The hatred of the targeted parent spreads to his or her extended family. Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so too are his/her entire family. Formerly beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are suddenly avoided and rejected. When children exhibit these 8 behaviors the most likely explanation is the manipulation of the favored parent.

Related Articles

• Mounting Evidence Supports Reliability and Validity of Parental Alienation
• House Divided: Hate Thy Father
• Oregon House passes bill outlawing purposely false child abuse claims
• Coaching Targeted Parents
• Helping Children Resist the Pressure to Choose One Parent Over the Other

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Once children exhibit these behaviors much of the damage is done. Prevention is critical as it is easier to stop children from becoming alienated than it is to undo the alienation once the children have adopted false ideas and feelings about the rejected parent. For this reason, parents who are concerned about the use of alienation strategies on the part of the other parent should become educated as quickly as possible about different options for responding to parental alienation

“Please Don’t Tell Me What I’m Doing Wrong” by Another Mom Suffering Parental Alienation --not my words but so perfectly expressed

“Please Don’t Tell Me What I’m Doing Wrong” by Another Mom Suffering Parental Alienation

(Posted on Facebook by Asha Bas, Who Granted Permission to Share her poem in Hopes That “Others Will Know They Are Not Alone”)

I’m in a living nightmare

Something deeply precious was stolen

I’m in ongoing grief and despair

Unbidden tears awash again and again

Never any idea what to do, or what to say

Everything is used against me, the rules are unfair

Forlorn, how to get out I see no way

But I have to stay strong and I have to beware

It would be easier to give up, to let go

Easier to close down completely

But the future I cannot know

Behind closed doors I do not see

So I fight against the abuse and lies

Ever continue to stand up for what is right

My grief I cannot continuously disguise

Sometimes my words come out with a bite

But my words come out, which can be quite hard

Though I’m afraid, I can move and walk around

I’m not an actor, a social person, or a bard

Sometimes my mouth has opened with no sound

Please don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong

I already know and I berate myself enough as it is

My treasures were stolen and I do not belong

My family torn asunder with a crushing deadly kiss

I cannot concern myself with little people in this game

Who may or may not be playing behind the scenes

Aloof and careful, I must treat everyone as the same

To the abuser, it is clear that the end justifies the means

I do not know who to trust and my choices are few

I have limitted knowledge and little experience

I’m more likely to trust, to see the good in you

I have learnt that I perhaps should not take that chance

If I let my guard down I may lose even more

Years, time, freedom that may never be recalled

The hurtful slander that sticks I abhor

With their increasing power I am appalled

It crushes the spirits and wearies the very soul

The years and lies drag on with no end in sight

With my heart ripped out, I am not whole

So be thankful I can speak, even if i do bite

And remember that a dog bites because it is afraid

Afraid of the unknown, and often of what they have learned

With no choices and no idea, I go where I am bade

Hindsight has taught me, with trust I have been burned

Please don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong

Be impressed, instead, that against the odds I’m still here!

I’m staying in this nightmare and hanging on

Despite the impossible odds and the unending fear!

A Day in Cranberry Country

Yesterday I spent the day with a cranberry hauler.

It was a beautiful crisp, clear day.

Filling the trailer.

Not sure how these workers can tolerate standing in cold water

all day, raking and raking.

Here at the plant after the scale, they put a probe in to 

sample the fruit.

A Weekend Away

Think of it.
A weekend away from home.
I took Friday before Labor Day weekend off.
My boyfriend

booked three nights in Provincetown
At a hotel .... our room facing the ocean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the view from our room

where the women are strong
and the men are pretty
(I copied that saying from a T shirt)
---------------------------------------------------------
Three whole nights!!!
I was excited
I was anxious and my stomach in knots the whole week before.
The weather was good on Friday
But then eh,
not so great
then Sunday morning hit.
The pain
the nausea
The agony of the 60 plus mile ride home on the back of the Road King.
Early Monday morning we left.
Waited until Tuesday to go to the doctor since Monday was a holiday.
The vomitting
and the subsequent peeing of my pants.
The pain.
Doctor sends me to the Emergency Room
I have an ultra sound.... no baby...LOL
Gall Bladder has to go.

perfect place for an IV 

on my right arm 

couldn't even bend it with out the 

alarm going off.

Having a blast

wish you were here.

who would have thought 4 little holes would hurt?

I did have a nice view

from room 301

---------

Missed a week of work... no sick time.
Great.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next year I am staying home.

SPIES that love me

I found out that before my daughters were stolen. my X had sent a mini recorder home with the girls.  

Posted on March 31, 2009 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methodsBrainwashing Tool #2: Using the child as a spy

Using the child as a spy

Parents who are indoctrinating their children to spite the ex will also enlist the child to become a surrogate spy. This can range from simple information about the ex’s new girlfriend, all the details of every breakfast and dinner (“what did you eat? What restaurant did he take you to?”) to doing complete hard drive searches looking for bank info, emails, or incrimining web sites.

Vindictive ex’s would love to be able to rummage through your home to get interesting details on your life, including any and all “dirt.” They’re still very angry from the divorce or separation. But since they can’t break into your house without risking jail time, they recruit your child to act as a spy on their behalf.

This is very damaging to the child, for a number of reasons. First, it makes the child believe that the parent and their house can’t be a normal environment. There must be something wrong with it if one parent needs all the details of what’s happening there. Second, it teaches that it’s OK to be sneaky and spy on somebody. Remember, kids model their parents’ behaviors. So a continuance brain bath in spying around a parent’s house for information to share with the other parent is very damaging to the child long term.

Finally, by aligning the child in this manner, the vindictive ex slowly tears down the bond that exists between the other parent and the child. This intentional act of abuse on the child is terrible– it creates conflict and discomfort in a relationship where little to none even existed!

Parents that do this are terrible parents. Period.

When you catch your child reporting everything back to the other parent (I discovered mine through child therapist progress notes), it’s time to let the child know that you understand they want to “help Mom/Dad, but reporting back everything you do in such detail isn’t fun for them, it upsets the other parent, and it makes you work too hard, having to carry around a mental note pad every day.” Or words to that effect.

Don’t embarrass or punish the child, or the behavior will continue and get even worse. Point it out without pointing a hard finger, explain why it’s not a fun or positive thing to do, and then drop it

Evidence

Evidence from afar that your child is being brainwashed against you

Posted on May 8, 2011 by John in Brainwashing, Exposing the methods

When you’re the noncustodial parent, days and weeks go by without you being around your child or children. During this time the custodial parent– your ex– who’s hell-bent on sabotaging your relationship with your child has ample opportunity to do so.

There are some strong signs that appear in most brainwashing households. You can’t be there in person to observe all the things said, the lies told, or the subtle put-downs, so you will have to look elsewhere– to the telephone, cellphone, text messages, and emails.

The openness and normalcy of the electronic communications with your child is in most cases directly related to the level of mental abuse taking place in the other house. Evidence that your child is being coached and lied to include:

• Your child is flat, monotoned, or sad when he or she gets your phone call
• Your ex is often heard speaking to your child in the background (and your child will frequently cover up the phone with his or  her hand)
• Your phone calls or texts are not returned
• Cellphones you buy for your kid are rarely used to call you, but used routinely by your ex to contact your child when he or she is with you
• No calls on your birthday or Father’s/Mother’s Day, and rarely or never a card or e-card
• Your child asks you questions inappropriate for their age
• Your child is used as a messenger by your ex
• Your child complains about his or her last visit (usually of trivial things)
• You rarely get a call, email, or text out of the blue from your child
• Your child claims out of the blue that “I don’t want to see you”
• Your child seems unable to echo any “I love you’s”
• Your child echoes the words of your ex (words a child of that age would never use)
• Your child refers to you by your first name, either to you directly or at home while away from you
• Your ex refers to you when speaking to your child in the background by your first name
• Your child will say “Why haven’t you called me” when in fact you’ve tried
• You rarely get an acknowledgement of any cards of presents sent

How to fight this? The short answer is to call your child on a regular basis (once a week, twice a week, etc), and stick to it. Also send texts and emails, even super short ones, when you think of your child. If you’ve been unable to get through to speak to him or her, make sure you let them know that you’re excited to finally reach them. If you’ve left a voicemail, ask them “So did you get my voicemail?” That way, if they didn’t (as is likely), they’ll realize that you did reach out to connect with them. Older kids will even figure out on their own that a parent is withholding messages from them.

The big picture, of course, is to get the child into counseling. Even call Child Protective Services if your child’s emotionally wrecked. Make sure you document everything– to include tape recording phone calls (if legal in your state), logging all the times you’ve tried to reach your child, etc.

If your child custody decree doesn’t mention anything about telephonic or electronic access, then consider hiring an attorney who can make a “motion to modify” the decree. Some decrees include specific hours whereby your ex must make your child contactable. That way if your ex doesn’t comply, he or she could face the wrath of a judge.

It’s a very difficult thing to have to suffer through month after month after month, with the only let-off being when  you have possession of your child. But hang in there. Keep a steady flow of calls, emails, and texts to your brainwashed child. One day your child will see the “unhappy” parent for who she is, and your consistent actions at reaching out will be rewarded in 95% of cases.