I miss you

I miss you

Saturday, December 17, 2011


Usually I try to take my blog to a 'happy' place.
It is not happening today.

I hate to bare my soul to the world-  friends or foe.
(and I do have a lot of foes)

I often feel like the road runner and wile e coyote is always hatching a plan.  (since Wile E had no luck I am hoping for the same result in my cartoon world)

A few weeks ago my midwife 
 (calm down I go to her for GYN stuff, too.  remember I have no uterus) 
 really hit it on the head for me. 
She asked me
"Does your relationship bring you joy?"

That left me speechless.
 (which is rare since I am one of those eager to please have to fill the silence kind of people)

So that question has spurred a lot of discussions with myself lately.

the answer is no. 
 my relationship with  my girlfriend Caren brings me joy,
my relationship with my 5 yr old daughter brings me joy
and usually my cat, too.

but no, not my boyfriend
    not my older kids
    not my family
those relationships bring me anxiety and worry and guilt
             and sometimes disappointment.
stop criticizing me and how I raise my kids, clean my house, life my life.  Let's leave that to God, okay?

Merry Christmas

it is a difficult time of the year    such emphasis on 'happy' family time blah blah.
        {when I should just be worshipping Christ---I wish my life were that simple}

So if you see me today please don't ask me how I am. 
 cuz I will say fine
             but I am not.
I have have been crying all night and into the morning  trying to find my strength.

don't worry I will be cheerful and smiley by the time I get to work .  cuz I do what I have always done----suck it up and move on.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Dreaded Follow-thru

Dag Nabbit!!!!
Two weeks ago I threatened my kids by vowing not to get a Christmas Tree if they don't clean their rooms and the upstairs hall.  

Yesterday they replied to my reminder by saying
 "oh, well, we are getting one this weekend at Dad's"


What will I do without a Tree???
I hate sticking to my guns.  Damn! I need a Christmas Tree...a real one.  One that was once alive and now has been cut down and shipped down to Massachusetts for me to shove into my mini van and bring home and forget to water.

Should I get  a real small one and hide it in my room?

Please tell my kids to clean up.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

12 Things I Really Want for Christmas { I want a four slice toaster}

1. World Peace.  This won't happen until Jesus returns and judges us and makes a New World  so that kind of scares me yet at the same time I can't wait  (except for the judging part -- Yikes)
2. For all of my 8 children to live happy, fulfilled lives.

3. For my 4 grandchildren to be healthy and happy forever.

4. For my parents and family to be healthy and happy

5. A four slice toaster.  (How ridiculous is it that with 5 kids still at home I have a 2 slice toaster. I spend so much time each morning popping bagels in and out)

6. My 5 babies (ages 17 - 6 that live at home)  to keep their rooms clean and help me around the house-- yardwork, dishes, vacuuming, pet care, respect their home, love their siblings and give me some free time to rest my weary bones.

7. A big house with 5 bedrooms and more than one bathroom and a small yard (not this big mess of 6 acres to care for)

8. Organization

9. a Harley Davidson for me.... ya, so first I need to learn how to ride one. but think of how cool I will look!!

10. Healthcare for all US citizens.... free for the elderly... small co-pays for the rest of us.

11. My Ex to leave me alone and move out of state.  (THANK YOU)

12. Books and more books... I love to read.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Feeling Old

Old and grouchy.

not old as in  'my old lady is hot'

but old like I am worn down and out.
Like I live in a trailer with 8 kids, no man, no money. 

Well I live in a house with just 5 kids now -- no man.
A little money. 
But wouldn't it be nice to get some help.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Parent Power

Oh, boy.  Just watching a news report about a student in NJ who wore a sweatshirt with a Confederate flag on it.  School adminstrator told  her to turn it inside out.   ~~ now you can imagine the backlash.   Regardless of the social, historical, racial implications   what is the main point of this ???

              The school teacher/principal/custodian/lunch lady    TOLD   her ( a child, student, minor) to reverse the shirt or change it.    
  End of story for me.

Parents need to teach their children to respect their school personnel....always.  (yes, I know, some abuse their position and may harm kids---thus a parent's job to stay involved)

    Now if I could just get my kids to clean their rooms .......

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Fantasy Land {or- what I want for Christmas}

So every gift giving holiday
I ask the kids for one thing..... for them to clean their rooms
since we are heading into fantasy territory just making that request, I will go further into my wishes.
cozy reading nook.

my own private cottage with lovely garden sanctuary.


Oops, Cath, wake up.
Last year I hung my stocking in the upstairs hall near the children's rooms.  In hopes that it would be filled... 
  It is still hanging there ..   EMPTY.
Seriously...if my kids would get together and clean and organized their rooms I would be happy and proud.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Saftler's Razed

Saftlers Whitman mv 11032011-11.jpgThis is what I saw on the front page of The Enterprise this afternoon......
It sent me whirling back to my childhood.
This is where my brother Barry and I spent many hours with our Mom.   I hated it as a child  probably would still as an adult, but I don't sew.  Don't even know how to thread the machine.

My Mom made many of our clothes.   Even into  my high school years I was wearing homemade dresses.   Check out the BR Class of '81 yearbook......    The amount of time and love sewn into each garment was amazing.  She still sews.  Mostly for American Girl Dolls now. 

Looking through the pattern drawers was my favorite thing.

It is sad to see such a business fail....
gone the way of book stores, 5 and dimes, and all the childhood memories.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

20 things you probably don't know about me~nor do you want to

Just some random thoughts on this Saturday morning...before I wake the kids to go to the dentist for some fun cavity filling.

1.  When I grow old and all the kids move out-- I plan on living in a little cottage with 10 cats.

2.  I love amusment park rides.  scary ones.  I hope you don't since you can watch the kids when we go. ;)

3.  I only get into automobile accidents in driveways or parking lots~~ never on the road. (sh, don't tell anyone.)

4.  I don't have a sister.

5.  I have 7 brothers.

6.  I have been married and divorced twice.  (so far)

7.  I hate going to the dentist--I'd rather go have a PAP smear.

8.  I enjoy mowing the lawn (push mower).

9.  I need more time in my day/week. 

10.  Jesus Christ is my Savior (should've put this one first)

11.  I am Pro-Choice, Pro Marriage Equality, I am a registered Democrat but I always vote Republican, I read the Bible and believe it is the Truth and the word of God. 

12.    I am a breastfeeding nazi...in other words  it is the most important gift you can give your baby and yourself  to breast feed for a year....the first six months of your baby's life breast milk should be the only nutrition.  (my kids are all too old to breastfeed now...but it is funny at family parties to remind my sons now 17 and 27  that they were great nursers.)

13.  Thirteen is my favorite number. 

14.  I smoke.  (ah the shame!)

15.  I truly enjoy riding on the back of my boyfriend's Road King...sweet bike--wish he would let me try riding it alone  (WATCH OUT!!)

16.  I have a radar about me that can sense if your husband is a misogynist.  So if I act like I don't really like him  that means I know he hits/humiliates you.

17.  I love to read.   NOT A KINDLE!   real books.   spy, crime,  mystery, funny, all books

18.  I (and the kids) go to Church every Sunday~~that's where all the sinners are

19.  My house is always a mess and when my Mom stops in she likes to emphasize that fact by trying to help.  I could go on and on here... maybe it should be it's own post.

20.  Life is not fair, get used to it. Suck it up and drive on.    I am a happy women and so blessed with my 8 8 kids and 4 grandbabies.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


Privacy..... but it sounds so lovely pronounced with in the British way.  {Priv~ acy}  not in the American way {PRI  vacy}

anyway   Priv acy...
’We have a love-hate relationship. He’s madly in love with me, and I hate his guts.’ by Jung, Normanwish I had some. 
But then again X is totally lost without me. 
  Afterall who can run to the store for another 12 pack of Bud and Marlboros?  Well, he could but as an enabling freak, I would go instead so he wouldn't drive.

But I wish he had another focus in his life...  Face the facts X~~ you pushed the judge too far and you LOST! 

ah, but the good thing is you still can't drive (legally).  So not much of a help as a parent out here in the 'burbs but it keeps you out of my neighborhood.

And I wish I had a bedroom~~ a private oasis for just me.  But I am often accused of being selfish.... of course I am since I gave up my bedroom 2 years ago so my teen daughters would not have to share a room....
silly me, being so selfish.

The worst part is teen daughter and X hate each other -- well she hates him, anyway.  So she never goes over to superDad's on the weekend, selfishly I am pissy I never get a weekend ALONE to tend to my selfish needs .

Anyway I trudge to work, home, kids' practices, grocery, doc appts.,  then slave at dishes, laundry, cleaning, yard care etc.... to be accused of being self centered.  And, dang it, never even one second to spend with my grandbabies....geesh  they are gonna hate  me too.   F*&k,

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Time for EXes.

Thought I should devote some time to my exes here today.  After all my blog is about them, too.

                             Beater - Cheater
that just about sums them up.   #1 liked to beat me  #2 liked to cheat on me

great guys both of them really....  for someone else.

not much else to say but
on a serious note
              if your man is hitting you, controlling you, making you feel like shit....the time to run is NOW!!!!  
 misogynists come in many shapes and sizes....  read the book  MEN WHO HATE WOMEN, AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM.   it was helpful for me.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


aren't they so cool?
always doing something  helpful.

and exercising their minds.

and being best friends

remembering back before they were teens...ah, the sweet days.

but I am excited about my children becoming adults....wish they would hurry up since I am going to need someone to take care of me soon.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Gramma Grammar

I am a little anal about grammar issues.
 Please if you are publishing the written word via Twitter, FB, blog etc.
try your hardest to remember these few rules:
    'i' before 'e' except after 'C' or when sounding like  'ay' as in neighbor or weigh.
    There- They're- Their.  ==== 'There go the Smith's, they're on their way to their Gramma's.
    Your--You're               ====  'Your butt looks big because you're eating too much fudge'

If you notice a grammatical error in my blog, tweet or fb  PLEASE  tell me....I would be mortified if I didn't fix it.

I am not writing this to be critical.  I feel genuine pain when I read something grammatically incorrect.   Guess it 's   cuz my Mom was an English teacher.....  we would be fined a nickel  if we said 'ain't'.... 
anyway...guess it 's my little OCD moment  wish it would transfer to a cleaning fetish instead!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Cheaper by the Dozen

Well, I am short 4 so that's why it is so expensive!

I remember this movie (the old version-starring Clifton Webb)
I loved his discipline and control over his family.  The whistling to get them to line up.
 And of course, they had household help.

Almost like the Duggars but without the weird clothes and 'J' names.

And there is my favorite TV show from my childhood
   'Eight is Enough'  --- I guess I followed that prediction ;)   

Even the Brady Bunch with only 6 kids had a housekeeper
.  That's how to make a household run smoothly.

Yours, Mine and Ours was a good movie, too.   but the newer version starred my favorite guy
Dennis Quaid.
any movie with Dennis is sure to be great!

Any hoo this is my family
or is this my family?

but I must say, having a big family is great!  If a friend is having a party and needs more guests, one quick call to me and shazam!!  party is huge.  And there is no need to set up playdates for the kids, either.