I miss you

I miss you

Sunday, December 30, 2012


Welcome to the World
Baby Girl
  My 5 th grandchild has arrived
Lyla Reese
9 lbs 4 oz
21 inches!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

today and everyday

I am a mother
I am a grandmother
I have 8 children 
I have 4 (very soon to be 5) grandchildren.
That's a lot of blessings
yet my three youngest children do not live with me
they are alienated from me
and it rips me to shreds
it is like an incomplete death
half of me is dead and the other half 
just fakes it.
don't get me wrong my 5 older kids are wonderful to me
I love them so very much
but it does not erase the pain
it almost makes it worse
since I feel I have let them down.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

DCF -- come clean

How I wish DCF MA would come clean with their lies.
Their budgets are increased by the amount of children they steal.
Then their case workers are encouraged to fabricate stories,
 exaggerate what happened ... and poof your children are gone.
They will believe a vindictive X
.......... when they were slammed with evidence
 that he is not a capable parent.
The laugh will be on him once they take them away from him too.
Then they will be gone.
My babies lost forever.
I know about the DCF lying tactics.... but there is no way to fight them
  .... Not even a Probate Judge's orders have any power over them,.
A lawyer is expensive and gets you nowhere.  
You are encouraged to be best friends with the parasite that stole your children.
She is the only link you have.
And she will use your words against you, make up lies about you...
 The Truth will  NOT set you free.
The incompetence from the DCF office in Plymouth is disgusting.
Cries from the case worker of understaffing
and illness  --- mean nothing to me.
The ombudsman from Boston was useless.
His 'review' consisted of reading the case workers
this is life or death.... MY FLESH and BLOOD
were stolen.
By the way  I didn't hurt my kids.
at all
Jason Beasley my ex husband has manipulated and
alienated my babies .....
His accomplice is Amy A. Miller DCF

Sunday, December 9, 2012


I was told to back off.

How does a Mom back off?
Well I guess if I did drugs I could back off and shoot some heroin
or smoke some Meth
but I don't do that sort of shit.
I just hope that my babies won't forget me
Dcf has destroyed my family
and my children

Friday, November 23, 2012

Fakin' it

my life has been hell since September 7, 2012
............ my three youngest babies were stolen
by dcf
via agent Amy Miller (plymouth)
due to lies fed to her by X
My babies have been manipulated by their 100% PTSD disabled (US Military//Veteran's Affairs) father.

so you may wonder how I remain alive
  I fake it well.

you may see me at the store shopping
or at work functioning in a happy manner  (I need the money)
  I am amazed by my strength.  (God given)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Angels on Earth

Although lately life has been hellish for me and my family.

Sometimes when I am at my lowest
the kindness of others
~strangers and those we know~
makes it possible for me to go on
for one more day or minute.

whether it is a random donation
to my legal fund from a customer at

or the kind words of a good friend
who can imagine the pain of our loss

the wonderful teacher at parent
conference who treated me
like the Mom I AM.

These things keep me  alive
and sort of functioning so I can
be a mom to my kids and
try to be a gramma to my
I thank you.
-----I praise you Jesus for
sending these people

Monday, October 8, 2012

Crazy Talk

When I listen to myself explain the horror of my life... I think  "Wow, that chic is talking crazy talk'  'She is a paranoid freak"
I sound like a conspiracy theorist .... Like I should be working with Fox and Mulder.  Geesh.
But my life is like The Twilight Zone

It looks the same but it is all messed up.

The father of my 4 youngest children has gone insane due to his rage toward me.
He has tried through the court system and failed to acquire custody. So he turned to the
state run terrorist organization.... DCF.   He has coerced my babies to lie for him,
 possibly blow in his car breathalyzerh
his is similar to this one.... must be a conversation starter when he takes kids to playdates and such.

anyway in his blood lust to steal my babies
he has brainwashed the 3 youngest girls
forced them to lie to DCF
and now, low and behold the State has
stolen my 3 little ones
let him be the foster parent....with a breathalyzer and a VA determination of 100% PTSD disability..

He has played this well except for the State having custody.
I know he will soon mess up
and then  since I am so horrible and my babies are so afraid of me
they will steal the kids and
place them elsewhere.
For the record  I do not do drugs
I have a job
A driver's license (no puffy)
I am not on gov't assistance
I have never been arrested
2 of my kids still live with me (the others are all grown up)
so I can't be all that bad.
I never have hurt my children.
Well, I didn't buy them laptops though , so maybe that is why they hate me.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

When the child snatchers show up.

This information was found at Massoutrage.com  
It is an amazing website .

  1. The first rule is SHUT UP, except to discuss the few things that are set forth below. Tell them nothing. You do not owe government agents any answers. Just like on the cop shows, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. Count on it. There are several other things you must do, as well:
  2. Get a recording device into action immediately.
  3. Don't let them into your home. All discussions should be through a window, or at least outside. Do not let them into your home without a warrant.
  4. Figure out who you are dealing with. Are they really social workers and police?
  5. Find out what the allegations are. Federal law now requires them to tell you.
  6. Next you have to figure out what their real authority is right now in this situation. Do they have a warrant, a court order for custody, a mysterious document called a "precept", or are they acting on emergency powers that they have decided to exercise. In many cases, the documents they have only demand you come to court at a later date, so you don't have to let them in.
  7. Finally, based on all the circumstances, you must figure out what to do. Can you hold them off, make them go away, escape, or do you have to let them in?

Days Off

-this is just a light fluffy post-

If you're a working housewife/mom/female, your days off are usually busier than a workday.  I am 'lucky' to have a day off during the  work week.  It makes it easy to schedule doctor's appointments for myself and the kids.  Get my banking done... (not much of that --basically check in ... .bills out--- negative balance juggling),  File court papers against X,  go to registry to renew license/registration.  Most important the visit to my psychologist....oh, ya!!

Today is my day 'off'.  
I have Bible Study from 9-10ish
          Shrink  at 11:30
          Meeting at 1:30
          another at 4.

Thankfully I mowed the lawn yesterday afternoon ---and hopefully for the last time this year!

Wednesday I can't wait to get to work and relax    :)

Monday, October 1, 2012

dcf agents=terrorists

~~ it titters with joy
as it tells me the bad news~~
(the evil one' bride- dcf agent)

I will put a good spin on things
~~I will get to see her~~

----even if my daughter is testifying against me
my baby
she is only 14♥
I love her even still and even more since I know in my heart she is being hurt and brainwashed by him

Things Narcissists Do - LIGHT'S HOUSE

Things Narcissists Do - LIGHT'S HOUSE

The Vindictive Narcissist | After Psychotherapy

The Vindictive Narcissist

In recent weeks, both within my practice and through emails from site visitors (all women), I’ve heard about several men who have tried to destroy the reputation of their ex-wives with a ruthless and quite thorough assault on their public characters. These men have told lies to friends and family members, attempted to blackmail their former spouses by threatening to spread vicious lies about them, stolen money from them, tried to turn children against their mothers, become explosively angry, even physically violent when challenged, and have uniformly laid blame for the failure of the marriage at the feet of the ex-wife. I’ve also heard from a couple of men confronting vengeful and narcissistic women in their lives, but with nowhere near the level of vindictiveness displayed by these narcissistic ex-husbands.
The viciousness can be quite subtle and sometimes invisible to those who don’t know the man well. For instance, the ex-husband of one of my clients sent a very reasonable sounding email to selected members of their church, including the pastoral counselors who’d tried to help them salvage their marriage, portraying himself as a man of God abandoned by his wife, and then directly impugning her mental sanity while planting doubts about her fitness as a mother. She is, in fact, a quite devoted and capable mother while he consistently manipulates their children with gifts to enlist sympathy on his side (but will also dump them on their mother during his custodial days whenever he happens to have a date).
Such men are loathsome and I find it almost impossible to feel any empathy for them, though of course they never come for individual treatment so I don’t actually have to try. The word I use to describe them is reptilian: they seem so cold-blooded, without any genuine feeling for other people, and their desire to inflict pain or even destroy their former spouses seems inhuman, snake-like. At the same time, I feel that I do understand their psychology and what drives them. As a follow-up to my last post, I thought I’d provide a psychological portrait of the vindictive narcissist, making use of the concepts of projection,shame according to my particular views and narcissistic defenses against it.
In that prior post, I discussed what I’ve called the “law of false attribution,” or an in-built human tendency to believe that whenever we experience pain, an outside agent (some other person) has caused us to feel it. For the vindictive narcissist, the subject pain is a profound and quite literally unbearable sense of shame. He has so thoroughly defended against this shame (the felt knowledge of internal defect) that he has no conscious awareness of it. He has constructed an idealized and false self-image as a protection against it, a kind of fortress behind which he conceals his shame, and will defend that self-image with every weapon in his arsenal. When a wife decides to leave a marriage, the narcissistic husband experiences it as a kind of attack (according to the law of false attribution): her rejection threatens to put him into contact with all the shame he can’t bear to feel, and so he must instantly turn against her. If he can’t literally destroy her, as some wounded narcissists have done, he will attempt to annihilate her character. Like the husband of my client, he will try to turn everyone they know against his ex-wife, painting himself as a martyr.
The degree of viciousness and the unrelenting pursuit of revenge point to a truly toxic level of shame. It’s so unbearable that these men must instantly respond with a counter-assault to any person threatening to stir it up. All insults or wounds to his pride will be felt as an attack and provoke the usual blaming and contemptuous defenses; but the public humiliation they experience when their wives ask for a divorce is a narcissistic injury so profound it provokes a retaliatory strike of nuclear proportions. Most people who go through divorce feel some degree of shame, some sense of failure, but the vindictive narcissist feels it a thousand-fold. That pain is felt as an attack, calling forth an all-out counter-assault meant to annihilate the threat to his fragile self-esteem.
If you’ve ever felt hurt or humiliated by someone you know and then entertained fantasies of revenge, imagining that you would show that person up or triumph over him, then you’ll understand (to a degree) what the vindictive narcissist experiences. Unlike you and me, however, he can’t tolerate such painful humiliation, not even for a second, and revenge fantasies are not enough. He experiences the continuing reality of a woman who rejected him as a continual threat, a constant assault upon his ideal self-image; as a result, his defenses remain on continual alert against it. At the least provocation — that is, whenever shame threatens to emerge — he will viciously strike out, like a snake assaulting its prey.
In comments to my post about narcissistic mothers, many site visitors have described similar assaults by their own mothers. Vindictive narcissists are not limited to vengeful ex-husbands. Since such people have almost no interest in or capacity for change, the best you can do is stay clear of them, just the way you’d avoid a snake if it happened to cross your path. Unfortunately, some narcissists can also be quite charming, having learned how to manipulate people to evoke their desire and sympathy; as children, we can’t escape our narcissistic mothers until we’re grown. When escape is impossible in life, perhaps the most you can do is set very firm limits and try not to inflict unnecessary narcissistic injuries upon them. It will only come back to haunt youThe Vindictive Narcissist | After Psychotherapy

Saturday, September 29, 2012

I Call Her Tuesday

It's not her name of course
but sometimes it is the day of the week
often referred to in a bad word.

Too bad, because as a child
I like the named of actress
Tuesday Weld.   This has zero
to do with her.

22 days

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Beautiful poem about a mother without her children


The Lawyer’s Note

When The lawyer’s note
Her heart sinks.
Another reminder of the
Children she has lost.
His crisp writing,
Full of righteousness
And eptitude.
A written testimony
To the case
She will never win.
Sometimes babies
Are stolen
Through court cases
That give
The innocent nothing
And reward those
Who are willing to attack.
Sometimes families
Are torn
By selfishness masking
As concern.
And alienation strutting as
The lawyer’s note
Comes and
Must be paid.
Balances weighed
To rob her.
But law speaks
And she must
Obey without delay.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Random stuff I enjoy..... in addition to my 8 kids.

I have always liked dollhouses  .... if I ever have free time
maybe I can build one again.

Coastal Maine



riding on the back of Ross's harley



of course only if I am well bundled and have
 a hot cup of coffee.


wild flowers

LOL  this says it all

quaint villages

would love to travel to Great Britain
and tour a castle or two..

seriously my favorite place to shop and

another fun place to shop
and buy bags of useless items.  :)

My favorite holiday.
Food Family & Fun
(and no presents!)



really who doesn't love engagement rings?

Anne Rice's the Mayfair Witches.

anything Harry Potter.


early reading.

I would love to relax on a tropical island
for a few days
had fun hope you liked looking inside
my head for  awhile

WOW! Women On Writing Blog: Kathy Handley, author of Birds of Paradise, launches her blog tour

WOW! Women On Writing Blog: Kathy Handley, author of Birds of Paradise, launches her blog tour

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Stuff I have learned (just this past week!)

It's almost as if my genius brain powers were just activated here in my 49th year.  It's okay... I am a late bloomer.
So anyway  I thought I was going to die last week... Paranoid you say?  Hmm?  Bad reaction to a med I've been taking happily for 2 years.  Oh, well.  I am going to live so that' s the good news.
oh, ya
Stuff I learned this week:
 ` Weaning off an antidepressant is scary.  I am going to miss this security blanket.
`  Stress will attack your body eventually and it will win
`  Random angels will track you down... usually via Facebook and help you in tremendous ways.
`  It's time to do something with your life, Cate.   You are no longer young, nor slim, nor healthy.
`  Stop pleasing everyone... first of all you aren't successful at it anyway.  And it makes you miserable
`  If you say you don't care what people think of you then MEAN IT!    otherwise continue to be miserable and living a life They want you to live.
`  You ya, you Cate   cannot do it on your own.   God is the only one to rely on.  yup just the Big Guy.
`  Some of your kids dislike your boyfriend.... tough cookies.  hahah kids...    you'll be moving out in  a few years anyway.
`  Demand better treatment or get rid of them..... farewell then, eh?
`  Quit Smoking--- you are a moron for keeping this deadly habit....  I can yell at myself..ok?  no one else can, though
`  A good friend always arrives at the right time.     I am blessed to have sisters that are not biological   .... we unite in our pasts of pain and bring out the joy of  NOW
`  Keeping the house clean is a gift to myself.    I like it this way... and by the way I love where I live now.
So today is Sunday
the beginning of another week.... see those genius brain powers.--in action!
I can't wait to learn more stuff.
Soon I will solve all the puzzles of the universe... I mean after all I can program a VCR and set the clock on my microwave.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I just might live.

So excited to think I may recover from this horrid reaction I am having to my antidepressant.
Now I can look forward
Babysitting my EmmaKate.  
Well EmmaKate is my youngest grandchild (until December anyway).   My oldest daughter is her mom.
EmmaKate is a wild girl.   She is almost 3.   This is EmmaKate right after she was born.  I was like the 2nd one to hold her.  

this is Emma with her cousin Camden (my only grandson)....
Anyway I am glad I am going to live.
 I will be watching Emma on the days I don't work  so my daughter can work part-time (she is such a go-getter) and while she is post-partum.
Gotta say I do feel badly for those around me now that I will be antidepressant free for the rest of my days... never do I want to suffer from these side effects again.  Let's hope Emma brings lots of tissues for Gramma

Friday, August 31, 2012

Duh! The answer has always been right in front of me.

As I fret and worry over things I cannot change... I get angry....
Why Why Why?
Now as my body is attacking itself with a bad reaction to Effexor  XR ( that I have been on for 2 years)  ... I  realize I have let negative things enter my body and life.
As I scramble on quick fixes and angry rantings I forgot that God has it covered.
Duh.... Cate of course your life has gone haywire.... You thought you could do it all yourself with no help.
~ I do believe there is evil in this world... it is an imperfect world.  
I have let evil take over me and neglected the One who loves me and has forgiven me and all my sins.
Let's hope I remember this 5 minutes from now when I once again think I can do it all on my own

I thank you Jesus for your love for me,
a sinner who does not deserve one bit of it